In tribute, some of my favorites from George Carlin:
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
